Every Season

Today I have been getting things ready for an impromptu yard sale this weekend. My friend's mom and I are going to do one together. It always seems more fun to have a yard sale together than alone. I am finding a lot more stuff than I imagined. Having just moved home four months ago I had already purged quite a bit and the house isn't too terribly cluttered. I have been searching through the hot and humid attic finding things I can let go.
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Out of no where the trees in front of the house have sprouted green beautiful leaves. Just today I have noticed the smell of lilacs coming through our front windows, and am watching the dog lounge in the sun on the porch. Dang she is CUTE!

The windows have been open for days now, letting fans circulate and refresh the house with fresh air. This literal changing of the seasons brought to mind one of the therapeutic art assignments we had when I was in treatment.
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First we listened to a song by Nichole Nordeman titled Every Season (I will post the words to the song at the bottom of this post along with a link to a YouTube video of the song.)
This song explored the mental/spiritual changes of seasons we go through Our assignment was to answer one question relating to each season.

Summer: What things in your life is worth celebrating?
I put a card from my mom as a representation of the people in my life that love and care about me as something to celebrate.


Autumn: What in your life needs to change or surrender?
I needed to surrender my heart, all the layers


Winter: What in your life needs to lie dormant/die?
I needed for my expectations to die
the expectations I have for others
and the expectations I have of what life SHOULD be


Spring: What in your life is beginning to blossom?
At the time of this assignment I was very discouraged, I was down so coming up with something that is blossoming was really hard. The image of a black moon eclipsing a sun really represented my heart. The only thing that I had was hope. Hope represented in the rays of the sun, radiating larger and brighter than the moon.

Maybe you need to ask yourself these questions. Or do the art assignment yourself, it is always more powerful when you see your thoughts, when you use your hands and feel the process.
Let me know if you do, I'd love to hear what in your life is blossoming, needs to die, needs celebrating, and needs to be surrendered.

Every Season (click title to see video)
by: Nichole Nordeman
Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside Still I notice
You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

Blog Swap Goodies

On Saturday I woke up to a wonderful suprise.
A box of Goodies from Cari
This was my first 'blog swap'
the theme was my favorite things
the swap was sponsored by

Cari and I seemed a good match
we both love to scrapbook and to take pictures
she is the one that has gotten me addicted to the

Please enjoy the pictures;



a lot of great stickers, an idea book, stamps, ink, and some ribbon

Cari loves ...

starbucks

long baths

chocolate

ginger lemon cookies

dove deodorant

Blistex lip infusion moisture splash

and

John Frieda brilliant brunette leave-on perfecting glosser

I also got these great scrapbooking pages

I LOVE the circle ones, and can't wait to find a good use for them

I mailed Cari's package two days ago and hope that she likes hers as much as I enjoyed mine!

I know I had a great time trying to figure out what favorite things to share. I would definantly be a part of a swap again. I have enjoyed getting to know Cari through this experience, and am excited to continue to grow my circle of blogging friends.

I HEART Faces week #16 Reflections

Reflections

This is a picture of my face reflected twice, from the compact to the hand held mirror back to the compact...Does that make sense? Anyway I kinda like how it turned out.

Go to
to join in on the fun.

Comments

It's two A.M. I'm bored. I'm watching LOST. Checking facebook and my e-mail on my handy dandy phone seems a good idea.



Unfortunately I don't have a laptop to bring to work. Some nights I think I would do most anything to have a laptop. I could digital scrapbook, blog, write, in general keep busy. The other day I was perusing the Dell website. My knowledge of the inner workings of a computer are nil. I can figure out how to do what I want but ask me about hard drive space or wifi connect cards I will do nothing but give you a blank stare. What I do know is that the idea of having an orange laptop with some cool graffiti on it sounds perfect.



OK... Back to the point of this post.

When I opened my e-mail I found 12 gifts. Gifts, "What gifts? you may ask. Gifts of e-mails letting me know that there have been comments on this blog. I don't get comments often, and it hasn't really bothered me. I think I'm blogging more for myself. Kind of an on-line chronicle of what is going on in my life at this time. I gotta confess however, it was fun getting those comments, working seven nights in a row 12 hours each shift can be isolating. I needed that personal contact last night. I don't mind my job, working one week on and one week off can be really nice. It can also be really lonely.

Now I must be honest 11 of my gifts were from the lovely Robyn, it seems she was getting caught up on a lot of my old posts. The other comment was from Shareleann she was the lucky winner of the prize I gave for the ultimate blog party. Go to her post here to see what she won, she received it in the mail just yesterday.

Realizing how much I like getting comments I am going to make a concerted effort to not just be an observer of blogs that I like. Rather I will be an active participant, you never know who you gonna meet.

I am now home posting this before I fall into bed for that neccessary sleep I need before work starts at 8 tonight. Sweet Dreams for me and wishing a great weekend for you!

Fabric

I've become rather fascinated with fabric.

This is my collection of found fabrics. There is more, this is a sampling.

It is beautiful, intricate, unique. Fabric can bring about the nostalgic feeling of times gone by, be the 'in' look, or look edgy trying to beat the new trend.

You reveal a piece of yourself when you decorate. I'm sure their have been studies done on what personalities match what colors. I like to think that I would have those tests fooled. That I can't be put into a decorating box (HA!)

Fabric is an amazingly simple way to make a substantial impact. It can be expensive. You have to ask your self, "Am I willing to make such a commitment?" I don't know about you but I am not one for commitment in décor.

That is why I purchase my fabric at thrift stores. In my town there is one in particular that gets sample squares, and remnant bolts of upholstery/regular fabric.

The beauty of getting these fabric so frugally is that I can change things up whenever the mood strikes me. Some time when you are having one of THOSE days you just want to change something and yep you can with these!

There is something exciting about finding a great print or texture among some UGLY rejects. My heart beats faster, the sight of the 3 dollar price tag stapled to the corner makes me feel in love.

The thing is...
Well I mean... I can't...
what I need to say...
Is... I can't sew. Never could and don't see myself ever becoming prolific. Oh believe me, I've tried. No-sow, iron on tape, and a glue gun is my best friend.

Here are some of my primitive projects.

This is a clearance grass blind that I cut to fit into the back and doors of the the shelves flanking our fireplace, I think hot glued ribbon around the edges to finish it off

I put these fabric panels into this desk the same as the picture above

This is made of a 3 dollar thrift store frame and sample fabric from my favorite treasure store. Then I nailed this cross to the middle. I need to paint the nail hanging it up white so for the purposes of this picture pretend its white

A couple of the sample fabric the green and purple on is really texturally interesting, the purple is raised and soft

This is the outer door to my room, I took some fabric cut it to size and nailed it up. I think they really work with the door. The finish detail isn't complete, I have to figure out what I want to do.

my room just showing how I used the fabric there

table that is right inside the my door. I love the layered look, the textures and patterns and shininess work really well together

this is the one of the top sections of my entertainment center. I found this fun green sample rectangle. I Velcro it to the top so that I can put books in the back and they are hidden, and it also makes a great backdrop for the frames ect...we put in front of it.

I found this fun green/gold sample rectangle (the beauty isn't resonating through the picture so feel free to imagine). I Velcro it to the top so that I can put my box of random gifts in the back so they are hidden. The presents I buy on clearance and then save for that right occasion , and it also makes a great backdrop for the frames ect...we put in front of it.

I know that bookcases are necessary, but I hate seeing the clutter. We have put fabric from the dollar section at wal-mart and covered the bookcases. On top of the bookcases are Martha Stewart napkins from the clearance section after Christmas, I don't think they look Christmas so they are out all year round

This is a bookshelf that has been covered and then I added some of the sample squared I got at the thrift store I really like how laying those diamond wise looks, they are all the same pattern with subtle color variations.

Patience

The last three nights have found me snacking myself sick. I've become complacent. The last four months working nights has liquefied my brain. Nothing much is expected of me, in return nothing much is given. I do the minimal. I take no pride in my job, or even bringing home my meager bi-weekly check.

I work nights for a 'group' home. Two men, neither one verbal, live here.

One is 68 he is cute, stubborn, and driven by routine. He spent a lot of years in a state mental facility, that's probably where his love of his routine started. He waits for me to come at 8pm so that I can make his snack, and will make a mess trying to make it if I'm not fast enough.

The other man is in his early thirties. He is blind and mostly deaf. He spends a lot of his time in the restroom. I think out of boredom. Tonight he was up until one AM back and forth to the bathroom and his bed, he was also grouchy (he tries to pinch, and when it does it HURTS!)...seriously almost drove me nuts. He rocks back and forth slapping the toilet seat and making groans and noises. Logically I know that he is just trying to wear himself out to go to sleep and most nights it isn't as bad.

They say (whoever 'they' is) that it takes a special person to work with the developmentally disabled, or the aged for that matter. I think 'special' kind of person means patient. Coming to terms with the reality that I am not that 'special' kind of person has been difficult. Sure I do my job just fine, and I don't take anything out on the boys, but I know the freshness of this job is nearing its expiration date. Soon it is going to sour. One day when I'm not prepared I am going to take a drink of this job and gag on it. Spit it out of my mouth in disgust.

I have to make a choice. Make a choice to use this time to be productive. Make a choice to grow.

The nights are long and boring

*I could scrapbook...but creativity eludes me
*I could exercise...I don't
*I try to write...realized I don't have anything to say
*I aspire to devotions daily...I've done them 5 times in the past four months
*I could send cards or talk to friends...I feel disconnected

Just some thoughts. I am encouraged. I feel hope.

Ceramic Project

Last week a friend and I went to Creation Station and spent a fun 2 hours painting some ceramics. Today I got the finished product and am SUPER excited, so I thought I'd share.

amanda doing her thang

baby food bowl before it was fired

after it was fired

I did this one a little while ago for a friends birthday

she and her husband are missionaries overseas and I wanted to send her a piece of home

after it was fired, it turned out better than I ever imagined!

Living By Faith

This song has been stuck in my head all day Maybe I needed to be reminded of the words. Or wonderful way a hymn can make you feel. Whatever it is I like it.

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Living By Faith

Words by James WellsMusic by J.L. Hearth
Romans 14:23

" ... for whatsoever is not of faith is sin."

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I care not today what the morrow may bring,

If shadow or sunshine or rain.

The Lord, I know, ruleth o'er everything.

And all of my worry is vain.

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Living by faith (Yes, living by faith)

In Jesus above (in Jesus above)

Trusting, confiding (trusting, confiding)

In His great love (yes, in His great love)

From all harm safe (safe from all harm)

In His sheltering arm (His sheltering arm)

I'm living by faith (I'm living by faith)

And feel no alarm. (feel no alarm)

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Tho' tempests may blow and the storm clouds arise;

Obscuring the brightness of life.

I'm never alarmed at the overcast skies,

The Master looks on at the strife.
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Living by faith (Yes, living by faith)

In Jesus above (in Jesus above)

Trusting, confiding (trusting, confiding)

In His great love (yes, in His great love)

From all harm safe (safe from all harm)

In His sheltering arm (His sheltering arm)

I'm living by faith (I'm living by faith)

And feel no alarm. (feel no alarm)

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I know that He safely will carry me thro'

No matter what evils betied;

Why should I then care, tho' the tempest may blow,

If Jesus walks close to my side.

Bird Nest update #1

Last night was my first night back at work since I made my risky declaration; "I will not come back to work until you fix the itching problem" They cleaned all the carpets along with the furniture beds ect... Being home for over a week and a half my itching had all but disappeared. I was on the mend and man did it feel good. When I walked into the house last night it looked good. You could tell that the carpets had been cleaned. I did not itch as much as I had been in weeks prior but I was still itching last night. It was a small miracle that I could sit on the couch most of the night and not itch myself raw. I am cautiously optimistically that I will be able to work in comfort. Only time will tell!

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One of the first things I did when I started work last night was check on the birds nest in the back yard. There were five eggs where once there were three. When I told the day staff that there were two more eggs she was really surprised. Surprised because last week she said they checked on the nest and there were NO eggs.

Conundrum

I am excited to monitor the situation

I don't know why but they make me happy, maybe I am starting to like nature.

Remembering #3

I saw myself in the following explanation of Dysthymic Disorder. It takes a concentrated effort for me to participate in each day. I have to choose to get up, choose to take a shower, and choose to go to work. If my mind had its way I would stay inside my house all day. Before I went to the clinic, my mind had almost won. Now, with a correct dosages of medicines and support of friends and family, I am able to make it through each day. Not every day is easy, not every day I succeed but I will not let depression win me.
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I find it hard to get excited or happy about things. I'm have adapted through the years and am good at 'faking' appropriate emotion. My motto has been fake it till you make it. If I mimic the way I should react to situations I will eventually start to really FEEL things other than disappointment and unworthiness.
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I wouldn't say this has been a complete success but I believe it has helped and I also believe that God honors the desires of our hearts.
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Below is from a website http://www.allaboutdepression.com/dia_04.html
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Dysthymic Disorder
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People with dysthymia generally experience little or no joy in their lives. Instead things are rather gloomy most of the time. If you have dysthymia you may be unable to remember a time when you felt happy, excited, or inspired. It may seem as if you have been depressed all your life. You probably have a hard time enjoying things and having fun. Rather, you might tend to be inactive and withdrawn , you worry frequently, and criticize yourself as being a failure. You may also feel guilty, irritable, sluggish, and have difficulty sleeping regularly.
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Dysthymia is a milder yet more enduring type of depression that affects women two to three times more often than men. The diagnosis is given when a person has had continuous depressed mood for at least two years. For children, the duration only needs to be one year, and their mood may be irritable rather than sad or depressed. People with dysthymia may appear to be chronically mildly depressed to the point that it seems to be a part of their personality. When a person finally seeks treatment for dysthymia, it is not uncommon that he/she has had this condition for a number of years. Because dysthymia may develop early in a person's life, it is not uncommon for someone with this condition to believe that it is normal to always feel depressed. They often to do realize that the quality of their mood is anything out of the ordinary. This illness often goes unnoticed and, therefore, untreated.

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Dysthymia is a condition that tends to develop early in a person's life, but most people delay approximately ten years before every seeking treatment. This is unfortunate since the sooner a person seeks help the sooner he or she can get relief and possibly avoid further distress. It is very important that children with symptoms of dysthymia receive an evaluation from a mental health professional or physician. Early treatment may help these youngsters avoid more serious mood disorders, difficulties in school and their social life, and possible substance abuse problems as they get older.

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At any point in time, 3% of the population may be affected by dysthymia. Within a lifetime it appears to affect approximately 6%. Those with immediate relatives who have had major depressive disorder have a greater likelihood of developing dysthymia. If a person develops dysthymia it usually happens early in their lives- from childhood to early adulthood. The symptoms of dysthymia tend to be chronic, yet people often do not seek treatment unless they develop major depression. Having dysthymic disorder increases the risk of developing major depressive disorder. Of those with dysthymia approximately 10% will go on to develop major depression. The presence of both conditions is sometimes known as "double depression."

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Dysthymia may also be associated with the presence of personality disorders (e.g., avoidant, dependent, histrionic, borderline, narcissistic). However, it can sometimes be difficult to determine the extent to which a personality disorder is present since some of the long-term problems of dysthymia may affect interpersonal relationships as well as how a person perceives him- or herself. Dysthymia may also be related to substance use. People with this type of chronic depression may abuse drugs or alcohol in trying to relieve their despondency and other unpleasant symptoms. Dysthymia in children may sometimes be related to anxiety disorders, learning disorders, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), conduct disorder, and mental retardation. Physical illnesses that may be associated with dysthymia include acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS), hypothyroidism, and multiple sclerosis.

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Diagnosis of Dysthymic Disorder Summarized from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of

Mental Disorders- Fourth Edition

A. A person has depressed mood for most the time almost every day for at least two years. Children and adolescents may have irritable mood, and the time frame is at least one year.
B. While depressed, a person experiences at least two of the following symptoms:
1. Either overeating or lack of appetite.
2. Sleeping to much or having difficulty sleeping.
3. Fatigue, lack of energy.
4. Poor self-esteem.
5. Difficulty with concentration or decision making.
6. Feeling hopeless.

C. A person has not been free of the symptoms during the two-year time period (one-year for children and adolescents).

D. During the two-year time period (one-year for children and adolescents) there has not been a major depressive episode.

E. A person has not had a manic, mixed, or hypomanic episode.

F. The symptoms are not present only during the presence of another chronic disorder.

G. A medical condition or the use of substances (i.e., alcohol, drugs, medication, toxins) do not cause the symptoms.

H. The person's symptoms are a cause of great distress or difficulty in functioning at home, work, or other important areas.

I HEART Faces week #15

This weeks theme over at I heart faces is
Self-Portrait

There are categories for children and adults.

I am entering the adults category.

This is my first time entering, and I am absolutely an amature. I like this picture because it shows my true joy face, not a forced smile, we were being goofy we were getting ready for my friends wedding, I was a bridesmaid, it was a good day. I like the me that is in those eyes.