Patience

The last three nights have found me snacking myself sick. I've become complacent. The last four months working nights has liquefied my brain. Nothing much is expected of me, in return nothing much is given. I do the minimal. I take no pride in my job, or even bringing home my meager bi-weekly check.

I work nights for a 'group' home. Two men, neither one verbal, live here.

One is 68 he is cute, stubborn, and driven by routine. He spent a lot of years in a state mental facility, that's probably where his love of his routine started. He waits for me to come at 8pm so that I can make his snack, and will make a mess trying to make it if I'm not fast enough.

The other man is in his early thirties. He is blind and mostly deaf. He spends a lot of his time in the restroom. I think out of boredom. Tonight he was up until one AM back and forth to the bathroom and his bed, he was also grouchy (he tries to pinch, and when it does it HURTS!)...seriously almost drove me nuts. He rocks back and forth slapping the toilet seat and making groans and noises. Logically I know that he is just trying to wear himself out to go to sleep and most nights it isn't as bad.

They say (whoever 'they' is) that it takes a special person to work with the developmentally disabled, or the aged for that matter. I think 'special' kind of person means patient. Coming to terms with the reality that I am not that 'special' kind of person has been difficult. Sure I do my job just fine, and I don't take anything out on the boys, but I know the freshness of this job is nearing its expiration date. Soon it is going to sour. One day when I'm not prepared I am going to take a drink of this job and gag on it. Spit it out of my mouth in disgust.

I have to make a choice. Make a choice to use this time to be productive. Make a choice to grow.

The nights are long and boring

*I could scrapbook...but creativity eludes me
*I could exercise...I don't
*I try to write...realized I don't have anything to say
*I aspire to devotions daily...I've done them 5 times in the past four months
*I could send cards or talk to friends...I feel disconnected

Just some thoughts. I am encouraged. I feel hope.