Med Update

Several people have expressed their concerns since last weeks blog about decreasing my meds. While I appreciated their concerns, I thought gradually decreasing my meds was the only option available at the time.

In the last week I have had nausea, dizzy spells, and confusing emotional moments.
The week was a blur, a lot of sleeping and a lot of...I'm not sure. I didn't leave the house much.
Looking back I am trying to figure out why the emotional moments.

Maybe:
*Because I've been itching for a month now and I'm worn down from not being able to figure out what I am allergic too.
*Because I'm decreasing my meds
*Because I have no insurance and have had to go to the urgent care twice for the itching and it still is not completely gone. I mean seriously what can I be allergic too?
*Or maybe it is because changing jobs to make significantly less was A LOT harder than I thought it was going to be.

Sunday I sang in church. Well sing would not be the right descriptor. I cried, sang out of tune "hope now" by Addison Road. Assaulting the congregation. I couldn't believe it. I almost fell apart up there. Fortunately, I made it off and outside before I completely fell apart. I just wanted to leave. Of course I couldn't because my purse, keys, and bible were still in the sanctuary.

A few minutes went by and a friend came out to check on me.

I lost it all over again, falling apart in her arms. I told her everything that was going on, no hiding. She explained to me about her concerns with me decreasing my meds. I don't know if she explained it in a way that I hadn't thought of before, or if I was just in the right place to hear it but I got it.

Hi, my name is April and I can't live without my meds, it doesn't matter how slowly I decrease the dosage.

A few people have asked the cost ect...
I have done some research and it is not going to be as much as I thought to continue my meds. I thought it was going to be around 600 a month for all three. Now I think it is less than 200. The next step is making an appointment with a psychiatrist (and I have no idea what that will be)before I run out of pills. I am encouraged.

It is certainly more than I can afford right now but I will trust that things will work out.

I have decisions that need made and actions I need to take. I have been ignoring things in my life that need addressed. I had shut down for a few weeks (maybe over a month).

Shut down because Satan was trapping me in my shame. This last week I've really been thinking about how Satan wins when we are silent. Silent to even those who care.

Thanks to all who love me and continue to encourage me to be the person that they believe I am made to be. Thanks to all who accept me in my mess, who have reminded who I am when I have forgotten. You are amazing.