Assaulted by the Sun

today i drove an hour and a half each way to training for my new job. i left at sunrise and came home at sunset...
the key word being SUN!
The entire way to and from work today I was assaulted by the sun, on all sides of the car. The beautiful rolling hills of southern Indiana sounds great until you have to drive them a half hour after you wake up. The one lane roads leave no room to pass, and forbid people go the speed limit. It requires SO much attention to drive this road to work. I am SO glad that I do not have to do it forever. Just a couple more days and a 20 min commute will seem like nothing.
After carefully considering the situation I have come to the conclusion that I have to just suck it up and drive. People obviously do it everyday but the feelings that it brought up in me were alive, i wanted to get out of the car and yell at the sun;

Stay in one place, dang it! Leave me alone!

New Job, New Beginnings

Tomorrow I drive 1 1/2 hours to do paperwork for a new job. I'm scared and anxious. I SO don't want to drive that far for some training, they seriously need to do the training down here.
I have mixed feelings about this new job. It pays almost 1/2 as much as the one I left and will not challenge me. It will also be a lonely job, no co-workers really, just me and two mentally disabled men all night. I think I need a job that I don't have to think to much about. I have not felt a connection to God in months and I need to take this time to reconnect, reconsider, and relearn.
Since moving back to Huntingburg a week ago I have been feeling a lot more anxious and it scares me. I know it is just because of moving, and thinking about how I am going to be able to make it financially. However, feeling anxious to me will never be OK with me, it will always be scary. Thoughts of

"what if my medicine isn't working anymore" "i cannot be emotionally healthy" "will i ever be able to just be"

run though my head. Most times as quickly as the thoughts of despair come into my head there is a feeling of peace, that I make good choices, that I will be and am OK, and I know that comes from God. I want to learn how to live that way always in every moment, with every breath.